here is an 'interview' of crispin best. at times he asked me questions and i answered them. is it interesting?
me: i am about to start the interview
Crispin: hi there
me: so what's your philosophy on life?
Crispin: my philosophy on life is 'everyone is a person and in some way they are trying their hardest'
my philosophy changes every single day, this morning i went to the shop for milk and i said 'this is amazing'
yesterday i sat on a swivel chair and tried to make myself as small as possible and felt disappointed with myself
isn't that great?
me: how do you cope with feelings of inadequacy and despair? (a lot of people suffer from these feelings)
Crispin: i don't suppose i cope with them. generally i think 'it would be nice to have something to look forward to' and i envisage something i might be able to look forward to. for this reason i am glad i like sports, even though i know it is a waste of my life to watch sports
me: what's better, football or cricket? and why?
Crispin: i think football is better. the reason for this is that football is mroe of a 'soap opera' and a soap opera is a good thing because of something to do with narrative tropes and early experience of time passing, urgency, and death (also: pets). also the acrobatic and physical feats of football seem, on the face of it at least, more impressive than those of cricket. although i do enjoy cricket
me: did you know that the shuttlecock is the fastest hit projectile of any racquet sport?
Crispin: i had no idea. that is very interesting. what is 'jal-alai'? i think that is home to the fastest projectile in all sports.
"Unfortunately for Jai-Alai, Badminton has taken over the title, a shuttlecock has been recently clocked at 332 KM/H or 206 MPH."
that's a quote from an internet source
that i just found, after i tried to 'prove you wrong'
me: tell me a bit about wewillallgosimultaneous. e.g - why you started it? why you keep it going? what you have on it etc
Crispin: it's a blog. i started it because i got my first ever story accepted by an online publication, eyeshot, and i thought i should have a link to which people could be directed from that. i only realised much later on that eyeshot was actually quite a prestigious place to be published, and it's still one of the main places from which traffic comes to my site
i started out putting writing and things on there, but i don't do that much any more, for no apparent reason. i feel bewildered answering this question. i don't know why i have a blog
me: sorry - i am trying to ask 'difficult questions'
i don't know why i have my blog
maybe i do know, but i am embarrassed, scared to admit it
what sort of music do you like, crisp?
Crispin: oh - what would be embarrassing?
me: oh dear - looks like this is being turned back on me, the 'anonymous interviewer'
Crispin: i don't want to do that, i am sorry
me: well - i just want everyone to tell me how good everything i write is and that i am a great guy
that's mainly why i have the blog
Crispin: oh right, i see. it would be a good idea for you to get that great novel of yours published, though
me: and that seems embarrassing for me
Crispin: that's not embarrassing, at all. everyone puts pictures of themself on the internet and wants to be called 'very handsome' etc
it's ~better than that, for sure
me: i feel that maybe it's something that shouldn't be admitted though?
don't know why
it's not ok to admit that you want people to love you in a straightforward way?
Crispin: i think everyone admits that
Crispin: i mean i am surprised you think it's embarrassing
me: maybe i am behind the times or something
Crispin: i thought you woere going to say something about teenage girls
me: i am maybe a little oddly sensitive or austere
Crispin: you are austere
me: i am easily embarrassed i think
so what sort of writing do you like to read?
Crispin: you are not austere
there isn't a sort
Crispin: i am thinking very hard
me: what's your favourite book of all time
Crispin: sorry - i was thinking, that seemed dismissive
i am thinking very hard about what i like
i'll stop asking silly questions
i will qait
Crispin: i don't have a favourite book
everything i want to say sounds utterly ridiculous: "i like things that seem themselves"
just as an example: your writing is good because i can't compare it to something else
and also it seems 'in line' with what i imagine to be important in writing
which is to do with newness and not being a scaredycat
i think that seems like a good answer
Crispin: also it's to do with engaging with what is happening somewhere recognisably 'irl'
well that's good - i am glad. i am reading lydia davis' collected stories currently and she seems really excellent
'incredibly strong writing' or whatever
what are you reading recently?
me: oh man
i just read the easter parade
Crispin: i haven't read that
me: by richard yates and then i read dazed and aroused by gavin james bower
the easter parade is among the best books i think i have written
Crispin: oh he is your pal
me: i mean
me: i didn't write it
Crispin: i was trying to figure out how to mention that
Crispin: i think you didn't write the easter parade
me: i think i know which books i have/haven't written crispin
Crispin: i am glad you have written a book
i am looking forward to the 'great british novel'
me: oh dear
it's not going so well
Crispin: 'great britain'
i am sure it will go fine
me: let's get this interview back on track
Crispin: ok sorry
i am worried that i am in a dour mood
do you want to stop
Crispin: so my answers are not fit for publication
me: i am really enjoying it
me: it seems excellent
Crispin: i am very happy, i just feel like a sourpuss
me: we are having an odd, 'academic discussion' of sorts
instead of saying
great guy, babes, etc
i like it
when did books stop looking like that?
me: seems like a nice break every now and then
Crispin: bloody photography
me: i know
Crispin: 'the bird room' i kept thinking "WHICH ONE IS THIS GIRL ON THE COVER MEANT TO BE?!?!?"
me: i totally agree
Crispin: wouldn't have happened to yatesy
me: the edition i have has a picture of two girls on it
I DON'T WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK THE CHARACTERS LOOK LIKE COVER DESIGNER
Crispin: cover designers are imagination perverts
me: how do you feel rejection digest (your great new collection of incredible fiction) is going?
Crispin: ahhh. close to our hearts. at first it seemed like a really brilliant idea, and i was so happy that we decided to do it.
'almost immediately' there were some comments on htmlgiant which seemed to totally dismiss the idea as being unoriginal, although there were some supportive comments too
after that, i felt unsure of 'ourself' for a while
then we got into a good rhythm. it seems ok at the moment. i wish we had more submissions.
me: i have felt oddly 'unstoppably positive' about the whole thing
Crispin: feel like i didn't need to say anything before the last line
i have noticed your unstoppable positivity
it's really good to see
i think i am feeling a bit 'down' with writing in general. i feel unable to achieve anything i am proud of currently.
me: that's a real shame
Crispin: it's ok - it's my fault
me: it's odd, it feels like your website is an incredibly exuberant celebration of culture and oddness, and it makes me feel as though the sensibilities you have indicate that you are a creative force that is 'inextinguishable'?
Crispin: that's nice of you to say. i think ... actually what i was about to say starts to become hamfisted pop psychology very quickly...
the important thing is i really do think everything is great, and that's why i can't write at the moment
i don't have any idea of what language can convey the thing i am trying to say
me: do you want to go away somewhere on a writing retreat where we discover a new way of writing?
Crispin: i like exuberance and effort and hope but i don't feel like 'hyperexuberant' language is right
haha - but i think you are able to write well with the style you have
do you think you are 'ripping anyone off' ever?
is that a dangerous question/
me: no it's not dangerous
but the answer is going to be a bit 'poncy'
when i write, i do it very quickly and it comes very naturally (if it's any good). i don't think about ripping anyone off. i don't think i am ripping anyone off. it feels like it is the only way i can write - it feels like it is just me and no-one else. i often feel like i am completely lost in a trance when i write the things that i am happiest with.
that is a terrible, garbled answer
Crispin: that doesn't seem garbled at all
i wonder why you think that... that seems like a very true and enviable answer
me: i just worry about everything
Crispin: haha - you shouldn't worry about that
like i said before, i think your writing seems to come from a recognisable but not obvious place, and that is one of the reasons i like it
that answer is 'in line' with how i feel about it
so that's important.
when you said poncey i thought you were going to talk about ALL WRITING IS A TISSUE OF QUOTATIONS
i'm glad you didn't say that
me: oh god
i don't know enough to quote fro anything
Crispin: fro comb
me: way to 'ruin the interview' crisp
me: it's quite hard work, thinking hard about yourself
Crispin: yes. i wonder if i should do it more. or less. or if i do it the correct amount
it is 'not answerable'
me: i think that's right
Crispin: i ruined the interview again
i think it's going 'exquisitely well'
Crispin: are you going to buy an 'ipad'?
me: i think maybe i wish i was obsessed with wanting to do something that doesn't require any introspection. like winning masterchef or something
no - i am not going to buy an ipad
i don't have any money
me: do you want to get one?
i wish i had one
Crispin: not at all
one of my main failings is that i basically 'hate' that sort of thing
everything that makes me think i am being encouraged to spend money
me: p.s this interview is going to cost you $300-$400
Crispin: that's ok - i am charging it rejection digest's company card
me: on a serious note, shall we get a credit card for rejection digest?
i think we need one
Crispin: we do need an ipad actually
for 'market credibility'
no-one will submit to us unless we have an ipad
me: if we had an ipad i think steve jobs might probably promote the website to everyone who wears black polo-necks and skinny jeans.
Crispin: 'target audience'
whenever i select a story i think about black polo-necks and skinny jeans
Crispin: have you ever worn a poloneck?
my dad bought me one when i was young
it looked ridiculous
it was a black polo neck
they are the "worst item of clothing anyone can wear"
Crispin: i think certain kinds of 'puffy waistcoat' might be worse
i have a vivid image of someone in a poloneck and puffy wasitcoat now
Crispin: intense douche
he looks a lot like you, crisp
Crispin: oh wow - and the photographer definitely doesn't want anyone using any part of that picture without permission
me: i know
it's worth a huge amount of money, that photo
Crispin: i have a pricey face
me: do you think that that is enough interview now?
be back in 2 - 3 - 5 mins
Crispin: 4 hours!