Thursday, 1 March 2012

piece of crap

feed me into a meat grinding machine and turn me into artisan human sausages, seasoned with mace. force me into a cement mixer and add me to the foundation of a large, municipal building. slice me thinly and put me into a museum, the slices spaced apart and coated in glass. fry me in extra virgin olive oil and add bay leaves to me and then roast me in the oven, slowly, so that my fat renders down nicely and i am succulent all the way through. coat me in fabric softener and toss me into the washing machine. discover a vein of gold ore spewing from my bones, remove my flesh and make me a mine. cover me in heavy rocks i will be a statue for you. replace my blood with poly-filler and hang clothes on me and put me in the selfridges window at christmas. put me into a sun and make me be some fuel for a while. add me to an italian salad.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

video about novel

hi there here is a video about my book everything's fine

watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

Wednesday, 25 January 2012


hello. the best place for non-uk residents to buy a copy of Everything's Fine is through this website:

thanks very much all of the wonderful people of PLANET EARTH

Friday, 13 January 2012


Hi guys.

Here is an early (now changed) draft of a bit of my new book - entitled Greece. I have only really started recently. But I feel good about it, or something. Also you can get my first one, Everything's fine either from the transmission print website, or amazon, or by going into a bookshop and asking for it. OK. Here is the bit of GREECE:


In an area of countryside in Greece, a young olive tree becomes self-aware. It has two branches. Each branch has two small silver leaves growing from its tip. The tree is beautiful. The wind tenderly moves the branches. As they move, the tree is aware of their tiny weight, and the sensation of its bark slowly shifting, opening pores and involuntarily contracting.

Hot, dry wind. The sky is clear. A small bush near the tree becomes self aware. The bush is sexually attracted the tree. It is standard, shrubby, thorny bush, dry and dusty, not really green, just the colour of the ground. The bush wants to wrap itself around the tree.

I feel sexually inadequate, thinks the bush. The wind blows the bush, and it frumpishly rustles. Could I be any less attractive, thinks the bush.


PS if you want to review everything's fine please send me an email thankyou