Saturday, 5 January 2008

Action 3

I have a gilette razor that I am holding in my hand. I take a very sharp butcher's knife and cut away the plastic that holds the razor blades in place on the razor. I am very careful not to damage the ultra fine blades. The blade is lighter than you could possibly imagine. I think that if I was holding the blade between my fingers and let it go it would not fall. The blade is clean and almost white in colour; it reflects things but is so thin you can never really see what it is that it is reflecting. But I know that it is reflecting my fingers. I delicately lay the blade to rest on my left forefinger, where I can see fourteen hairs. Slice is too heavy a word. Slip, now there are no hairs on the back of my finger. Saah. That is the noise that the razor makes as it saahs the hairs off the back of each of my fingers. Critch. That is the noise of the blade critching the hairs from the back of my hand. My hand is bald. There is a sort of halo of arm hair that stops suddenly at my bald hand. My hand looks like the hand of a montsrous child that is overly large. I place the arm and hand hair in a small plastic bag that used to hold the dice from my Monopoly set. I place the bag under my pillow.

I am about to go to bed. I stop. My arm starts twitching uncontrolably - I can feel blood pumping around it. Tonight I am not sleeping.

I look at the fridge.

Friday, 4 January 2008

Friday Night

I have finished my week of work. The place that I work in is the place that I love; my boss tells me that I have a special and unique talent. He tells me this in my monthly assessment which happens once a month in a sealed room. Although I sit on my sofa when at home, sometimes I think about the inside of the sealed room. There is a plant with large flat leaves that seem too big for their stalks, there is brown paint all over the walls, the room smells of subway sandwiches. It is always very very very warm in this room. I really cannot stress how warm it is. It is very important that you understand that it really is uncomfortably warm in the sealed room. The sealed room is simply too warm. I hope I am giving you the impression that the room is very warm. If there was one word I would have to use to describe the room it would be warm. The warmth makes the room stifling. I am not allowed to loosen my shirt. I always try and loosen my shirt in my assessment when my boss is not looking but he always catches me and looks dissaproving. I think that he thinks that loosening a shirt is definately a sign of weakness. My boss assesses me on a number of criteria. The number of criteria is two. 1.How many tubes have you made? 2.Do the tubes always look the same? Imaketubes. I think that my boss might have head lice. His hair is always meticulous - head lice love clean and tidy hair ergo he is infested/infected. Head lice are probably inedible. I wonder if my boss would mind if I tried to eat his lice. I think that I would probably catch four or five of them and then eat them in one go, one at a time would probably not be practical. I would need tweezers to catch them. My boss looks at me. He is terrified. I think that I may have just said that the reason I didn't hit my "Tubes Made" target is because I was too busy thinking about eating his lice. His face is sort of twitching. I think that if he saw my body naked on the side of Big Ben he wouldn't compliment me.

My brain cannot work after I have been at work.
My brain can notwork after I have been at work.

I think that I want to unleash the NOROVIRUS at work.