Friday, 4 January 2008

Friday Night

I have finished my week of work. The place that I work in is the place that I love; my boss tells me that I have a special and unique talent. He tells me this in my monthly assessment which happens once a month in a sealed room. Although I sit on my sofa when at home, sometimes I think about the inside of the sealed room. There is a plant with large flat leaves that seem too big for their stalks, there is brown paint all over the walls, the room smells of subway sandwiches. It is always very very very warm in this room. I really cannot stress how warm it is. It is very important that you understand that it really is uncomfortably warm in the sealed room. The sealed room is simply too warm. I hope I am giving you the impression that the room is very warm. If there was one word I would have to use to describe the room it would be warm. The warmth makes the room stifling. I am not allowed to loosen my shirt. I always try and loosen my shirt in my assessment when my boss is not looking but he always catches me and looks dissaproving. I think that he thinks that loosening a shirt is definately a sign of weakness. My boss assesses me on a number of criteria. The number of criteria is two. 1.How many tubes have you made? 2.Do the tubes always look the same? Imaketubes. I think that my boss might have head lice. His hair is always meticulous - head lice love clean and tidy hair ergo he is infested/infected. Head lice are probably inedible. I wonder if my boss would mind if I tried to eat his lice. I think that I would probably catch four or five of them and then eat them in one go, one at a time would probably not be practical. I would need tweezers to catch them. My boss looks at me. He is terrified. I think that I may have just said that the reason I didn't hit my "Tubes Made" target is because I was too busy thinking about eating his lice. His face is sort of twitching. I think that if he saw my body naked on the side of Big Ben he wouldn't compliment me.

My brain cannot work after I have been at work.
My brain can notwork after I have been at work.

I think that I want to unleash the NOROVIRUS at work.


apants said...

I read that it is best transmitted throught fecal-oral route. I hope that helps. I'm pretty sure you know what you need to do now.

(shit on lots of things. Things en route to the oral)

chris killen said...

your jacket is about 2/3rds as good as my jacket.

i like this post.

i like it as much as my jacket. which i like 1/3rd better than your jacket.

i have confused myself.

Duncan Cheshire said...

I have my 6-monthly assessment coming up soon. I'm not looking forward to it. I would rather stick tubes in my eyes. I would rather stick tubes filled with lice in my eyes. I would rather stick tubes filled with lice infected with norovirus in my eyes.

Did I mention I'm not looking forward to it?

Good post.