Tuesday, 23 February 2010

my ten rules for writing fiction

1. if you haven't read 3,000 books you are not allowed to write anything
2. you have to buy a country cottage worth £450,000 before you are allowed to write anything
3. you have to have an IQ of 140 before you are allowed to write anything
4. you're going to be miserable and lonely and self critical and just suck it up ok and get on with it and get used to thinking constantly about yourself and making other people want to love you it's just who you are and you can't change it and it's part of your creative juices ok god
5. keep writing no matter how bad what you are writing is. keep writing forever and then fall over dead
6. whatever you do don't connect to the internet it is just soooooooo distracting
7. 2 hours work, 2 hours sleep, 2 hours work, 2 hours sleep, 2 hours work, 2 hours sleep, 2 hours work, 2 hours sleep, 2 hours work, 2 hours sleep, 2 hours work, 2 hours sleep, 2 hours work, 2 hours sleep, repeat 3000x
8. never break your routine
9. be flexible routine
10. above all else be a great guy and go to loads of keg parties. don't forget you're alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11 comments:

brittany wallace said...

lol

xTx said...

the writing rules list to replace all writing rules lists.

~otto~ said...

Wow. This is brilliant, and I don't mean in the blogger-type commenty way. I really mean brilliant.

My word verification was "weept"

ana c. said...

the internet

Giles Ruffer said...

Haha, someone read the Guardian last Saturday? I enjoyed Jonathan Franzen's "Always write in the third person".

Crispin Best said...

think you should have linked to the jeffrey archer video again also

DJ Berndt said...

haha. you are brilliant always, Socrates.

Socrates Adams-Florou said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flK44wCjtLw

oh baby

Anonymous said...

Annonymate here to kick some know-how:

'kegparty' : really?

anyhow, how are things, 'in general'?

spetznaz!

Annonymate

sarah san said...

DON'T U EVER CHANGE

Socrates Adams-Florou said...

anonymate! anonygreat to hear from you. yep, kegparty.

see you soon,

soco