i am thinking about all of the things in my life. i am thinking about all of the things that are connected together and make up my life. i am the connection between all of these things and they are all important to me.
i think i can see swirling grey in the shadows at the end of my bed.
i am thinking about every event that has ever happened in my entire life. starting with birth. when i was born i couldn't go to the toilet for three days and i nearly died.
every time i go to a party i tell this story about being a constipated baby and everyone laughs. i say 'i could have died.' they say, 'that's why it's funny.'
i wonder if i had died then whether on my tombstone it would have said 'unnamed: crapped and pissed himself to death'
thinking about events in my life is a good and healthy thing. it means i have perspective on my situation. i haven't not been able to sleep like this for a very long time. i like it. i think it means that i am definitely alive 100%.