I have already had a cold shower. It's freezing outside and I have been for a ten mile run which finished ten mintues ago when it was even colder. I've eaten a bowl of porridge with salt and sugar in it for an oriental feel. I have had a shave and cut myself by accident while shaving; I am not a self harmer. I daubed scented after shave onto my facial wounds to stop them bleeding. I went toilet. I have watched the breakfast news and listened to some of the today programme on BBC RADIO FOUR. I have cooked some kippers and had marmalade. I have fed my surviving fish.
I am writing a list of morning things. I never do any of these things. Here is the result of my inactivitity.
I am caked in three years worth of filth. I have problems with my ticker. When people see my face they think that my face is some find of furry hat. I have a terrible aroma. I wear adult nappies. I don't know what's going on in the world and can no longer talk. My fish is totally dead.