Friday, 8 February 2008
You know the pain I get? The red pain, around and behind my eyes. The pain which makes me think it is time to close my eyes and go to sleep. The pain that burns as I look at a bright light; fire or the sun. This pain is not a normal pain. It seems to fade and regrow, pulsing in a way that is monstrous and selfish. Always slightly growing. This is the pain, a crisis. I think to myself about when the pain started and can't remember. And as the pain grows my silence and stupor also increases. My pain has become like paralysis. Your face is on the pillow and there is a wetness on it. This is what is called crying,or tears. My face is nothing except two ragged, abnormal sockets of pain - thrones/throes of incandescent and glorious suffering. This is what is lonely.