Monday, 11 February 2008

Tidy House

Today I have been tidying my house. I normally tidy my house once every two weeks. I like to get into a good old fashioned routine when tidying. I do things in this order. Moving everything into its rightful place; Dusting from top to bottom; Vacuum cleaning; Polishing wooden surfaces with a good quality beeswax polish; Tea break; Change the fishes water (the fish is dead); Change bed linen. The routine normally takes three hours or three and a quarter hours depending on length of tea break and amount of time spent smelling beeswax polish. When I was a child I used to eat beeswax polish and replace it with earwax. I once kept a bee in a tube for two two days to see if it would make any polish. In the end I got fed up and ate the bee. Bees are crunchy and taste of nothing. They are furry. Furry and crunchy - not a good combination. The next time I ate a bee I put it in some ketchup. My brother saw me doing it. I told him that the bee had stung me, the ketchup was my blood and I was eating the bee in order to exact revenge. Bee and ketchup is much better than bee with no enhancement. It tastes of furry, crunchy ketchup. I am sitting on my sofa and I am thinking about my childhood. In those days I didn't have to shave. It was much easier to keep the weight off when you are a child; no shaving and smaller penis. One day I am going to chop my penis off.

6 comments:

xtx said...

you are NOT going to chop your penis off.

but if you do, have a tourniquet on hand and some capers.

chris killen said...

chop your penis off.

these are getting really good. i feel a bit too excited about your blog.

apants said...

You are like michael jackson and peter pan.

Socrates Adams-Florou said...

chris if you feel excited about my blog you should do two things.
1. Chill out.
2. Write an entry on sex therapy.

Anonymous said...

This is you, isn't it?
Isn't it.
It is.

I saw you in 'Zizzi'...

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=46391&in_page_id=34

Ben Myers said...

Your computer may well call me 'Anonymous' but you can call me 'Ben Myers'.