Monday, 11 February 2008
Today I have been tidying my house. I normally tidy my house once every two weeks. I like to get into a good old fashioned routine when tidying. I do things in this order. Moving everything into its rightful place; Dusting from top to bottom; Vacuum cleaning; Polishing wooden surfaces with a good quality beeswax polish; Tea break; Change the fishes water (the fish is dead); Change bed linen. The routine normally takes three hours or three and a quarter hours depending on length of tea break and amount of time spent smelling beeswax polish. When I was a child I used to eat beeswax polish and replace it with earwax. I once kept a bee in a tube for two two days to see if it would make any polish. In the end I got fed up and ate the bee. Bees are crunchy and taste of nothing. They are furry. Furry and crunchy - not a good combination. The next time I ate a bee I put it in some ketchup. My brother saw me doing it. I told him that the bee had stung me, the ketchup was my blood and I was eating the bee in order to exact revenge. Bee and ketchup is much better than bee with no enhancement. It tastes of furry, crunchy ketchup. I am sitting on my sofa and I am thinking about my childhood. In those days I didn't have to shave. It was much easier to keep the weight off when you are a child; no shaving and smaller penis. One day I am going to chop my penis off.