Monday, 5 April 2010

competition results

there were a lot of entries to the bird room review competition. i found it very hard to decide on the winners of the competition. i am going to print the winning positive and negative review here and will e-mail the winners.

if you haven't won i am really sorry. the overall standard of the entries was (as far as i know) very good. i did a lot of laughing and thinking, 'wow, that's great' while i was reading them.

also please remember i have never run/judged a competition before. so i have probably made a terrible mistake. there were many more entries into the negative review section of the competition, which makes me think that all of the readers of this blog are 'haters' and only want to wish never-ending doom on the rest of the universe.

anyway, here are the winning entries.


When I first imagined Chris Killen's novel The Bird Room, I have to admit I was a little cautious. It brings to mind a bird being trapped in a room doesn't it? Flying around like a mad thing all over the place. This scared me. Plus i'm allergic to paper. Nevertheless I bravely donned my reading gloves and began to preconceive the words.

First things first, this is an incredibly powerful book. I vomited all over page one, by the second chapter i'd begun to ejaculate uncontrollably from the penis and during the final chapter I was weeping from the mouth whilst my Grandad slipped in and out of his beloved coma, his frail being only being able to mouth the word 'kipper' at passers by.

As I pulled myself together I started to ponder what i'd just imagined to read. Suddenly words meant nothing to me. What's a bird?

Some may say it sticks a bit too closely to the plot of Mighty Ducks but for my money there's a new Bible in town. It'll be a long time before i'm able to eat toast on my own again (you'll know what I mean after you've read it). Huge recommendation.

By Alex J. Nuttall


‘the bird room’: oh no you di-ent!

Chapter one:
This is a review of ‘the bird room’ by ‘chris killen’. Seems like a book aimed mainly at whiny douchebags.

Chapter two:
When I say ‘mainly’, I mean ‘90% entirely’.

Also lacks urban (i.e. black) characters

Disappointment re lack of urban people offset somewhat by promise of detailed descriptions of birds.

Chapter three:
*drawing of something*

Chapter four:
Obvious racist overtones of not having any urban people is ‘getting me down’.

Chapter five:
I physically stop reading this book as I suspect that if there aren’t any birds in it by now, there probably will not be any birds in it by now. Ditto: urban peoples.

This book is clearly autobiographical to the max, and on this basis, ‘chris killen’ seems to be mentally ill with sadness and inherent racism.

By Richard Owain Roberts

congratulations to the winners and i am sorry to all of the other entrants. the stress of running this competition means that i am probably never going to run a competition ever again.

happy easter.


Crispin Best said...

can't believe i didn't win. this is awful. initiating operation "your blog boycott".

chris killen said...

feel thrilled/hungry.

good work, everyone.

richard owain roberts said...

socrates, i feel happy to have won.

but where's my email? and importantly - where is the promised feedback?

chris, for realsies, yours is an excellent book (apart from the lack of 'urban' characters obviously).

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