Thursday, 18 December 2008

The Brutal Silence of Falling Asleep

I am lying in my bed with my covers over my body. It has been a cold day and the night is also cold.

There is a tired and quiet silence in the room.

I have been trying to sleep now for one hour and forty five minutes. I cannot get to sleep.

My calf muscles are tingling. The tingling feeling means that I am going to get a cramp in my calf muscles if I move them only one milimeter minimum. I have been thinking about my calf muscles. They are willfully preventing me from falling asleep.

I am ringing NHS direct while standing, naked in the centre of my room. I do not give the nurse on the phone my real name in case of the government. I tell her I am called Marty Gunt. The nurse tells me to eat one teaspoon of salt. My calf muscles need salt to stop seizing up.

I have a teaspoon of salt in front of my face. It is a heaped teaspoon of salt. I carefully stand on my bed. I hold one hand aloft while tipping the salt into my mouth.


This is the most delicious teaspoon of salt I have ever tasted. The salt is absolutely delicious. My mouth feels wonderful.

I go to the kitchen.

Twenty minutes later I have no salt left. My mouth is dessicated. My body has too much salt in it. I feel anxious. I feel anxious because I have run out of salt.

I go to the supermarket. I buy £500 worth of salt. I lock myself in my room for two weeks.

I have now had three heart attacks.

No comments: