Chapter

Once upon a time there was a very dark room with only a few people inside it. Actually there was only one person inside it. That person was me. Actually the room is the balcony of my flat and I was outside having a cup of ground wheat grass. All of a sudden OH NO a blast of icy cold air blew past and SLAM closed the door to my balcony. I immediately got sick as I was so scared of being trapped out there forever. All of a sudden I realised that I was probably going to die. But don't worry cause how am I going to write this and all that if I died so I can't have died. I was out there for over some time. A small bird that could talk came and landed on my shoulder and put it's beak in my ear and said " You pathetic miserable bastard you have locked yourself out here and I am going to drive you mad you're going to be locked out here with me forever son and I'm going to feed you worms to keep you alive you won't want to eat them at first cause they look so disgusting and they taste even worse but you'll change your tune mate you'll change your tune everyone changes their tune you'll be begging me mate pleading me to shove them wriggling wronguns down your throat I'm going to force feed you mate I'm going to force feed you and you're going to like it mate and then when you're eating I'm going to whisper demented chatterings into your ear that's right demented you'll have no chance mate no chance."

I have been watching myself eat in the looking glass above my toilet for four minutes (mins). I thought about pissing while eating while watching but my dexterity skill is only at approx 45/100. The above is a story I'm thinking of so I suppose I am doing three things at the same time in a way. This is a serious triumph. I am writing it in my diary as soon as I have stopped smearing mustard into my chops.